Wondering where I go wrong?!

I'm thinking that I posted the last Post too soon!! When will I learn that I need to finish something out before I start patting myself on the back?

I took the girls to the Library around 10 this morning so they could return/pickout more. Our Library has a reading program every summer to earn 'bucks' for prizes! Thank goodness my girls like to read or I'd be wondering what their intentions of wanting to go to the library 3 times a week were!!

H threw a nice little fit in the Library!! She's been nice and quiet and sweet before! But NOT today! She got mad because I walked past the book baskets and didn't let her get one......she got mad because she couldn't carry the HUGE basket with her books in it!.....even more mad when I tried to help her carry it!!! (I might carry it off or something?!) I wanted to grab a book to read but while I was looking she was screaming because we couldn't see sisters and 'I WANT SISSIES'....shhh, we will go back to them, please for the love of pete just let me pick out a book I will actually read!!!.....we walk back over to sisters and H starts screaming: my seat! my seat! M moves over without even being asked, H crawls up in the chair and proceeds to throw puzzle pieces all over the floor.
All I can think at that point is WHO IN THE HELL IS THIS KID?? WHERE DID SHE COME FROM AND HOW DO I RETURN HER???????
I'm telling you, she really does NOT act this way all the time. At least I don't think she does? Maybe I forgot my 'rose-colored glasses' at home and have seen how my 2 year old really acts?

We left!!!! With our books of course! I just could not make anyone else upset by leaving without them! Besides what were the kids going to do later when we got home while I was rocking in the corner and sucking my thumb? God knows I cannot leave them to their own devices or I will be in much worse shape then I began!!!

After we piled into the van ( I really want to name her, any suggestions?) we headed up to the school for free lunch! I planned on letting the girls play on the playground after we ate, but you know what happens when I plan something fun!!
H was up and down, up and down, off the seat. Then after she finally ate, we went to throw the trash away, but she ends up dropping the tray and uneaten corn kernels bounce like beads all over the floor! NICE!!! la sigh ..... So I had to wait for 'the cleanup lady' to come over with her broom, I said I was sorry and off to get D's tray. I made the mistake of not taking her up with me.... so as I'm dumping her tray, I hear fast footsteps! and it's D and H chasing each other around the cafeteria!!! Then I hear DON'T RUN!!!! YOU WILL FALL DOWN!!! YOU KNOW YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO RUN IN HERE!!!! NICE!!! again!

I tell all the girls we are not staying to play. Which really bummed them out because they were eating with one of their friends and we had to leave. She was sad, I'm sure her mother was pissed. How do I know that? Because I just got a snarky little text from her that I could have mistaken as being sent by a teenager if it wouldn't have had her name on it!

I've realized today, I think I have made an uber-huge mistake but there is NO way to fix it!!
I HAD TOO MANY CHILDREN....and that makes me sad that I am not doing a very good job with them. I feel like I am over-extending myself and I am not tending to their needs very well.
I mean the easy stuff is taken care of, food, shelter, clothes. But I feel like I am not providing the other things, discipline, manners, fun times......
and it is very hard for me to be friends with moms who only have 1 or 2 'perfect' little angels. Huffing at me, rolling their eyes.... Wondering if I missed out on the Birth Control class?!

H is napping now. She ALWAYS wakes up happier after a nap. That will happen today too, right?
And tomorrow we have plans to go back to the lake! The sandy beach, some cloudy water and the sun....that will make it all better too!!! Ya, all better!! (my thumbs calling me)